I almost died here. I found a 1970's polaroid picture of the place where I almost died as a child due to fear and stubbornness.
I don't know if this picture is from the actual day, but the elements are all exactly as I remember them. A little sandy entrance into grandma Quigley's lake. The photographer would've had grandma's house behind him, the big red barn to his right, and the biggest part of the lake to his left. Also to his left would've been a big mulberry tree. I can still smell the mulberries, feel their squishiness, and see the blue and red stains on our fingers and toes. I loved to sit and read or nap in Grandma's front porch swing and feel the breeze coming across the lake. There was a big pecan tree beside the house that offered all the shade you'd need on a warm day. There were two tire swings hanging from it's enormous branches--one regular sized, one person tire swing; and one big tractor tire swing with a plywood bottom for all the grandkids. Grandma Quigley's house was one of my very favorite places to be.
I don't know who is in THIS picture, but on the day in my memory, it was me, my brother Justin, and my cousins Becky and Chad. I rarely ventured into the water because there were fish and little biting mussels in the dark, slimy mud bottom. My cousin, Chad, who is my age and my best childhood buddy, loved to feel the same fish and mussels with his feet and on his legs. He was way braver for only being 5 months older. On this day, we had innertubes to help us float out a little farther than we could wade. We would be able to venture out away from the mud and muck, the fish and mussels. Seems like the perfect solution--the chance to enjoy all the lake had to offer beyond the things that scared me.
But not for little, fearful, anxious Alicia Dawn Wilks. I told my uncle Steve, one of my mom's older brothers, that I would just sit on the side of the innertube so less of my body would be in the water in case there were even scarier creatures in the deep. (A few years later, my dad caught some sort of an alligator gar from the far shore of the lake, so I rest my case.) My uncle Steve, who I loved and trusted, said this was a bad idea because I would tip over and my Whole Body would end up in the lake. For someone so little, fearful, and anxious, I was also very stubborn, because off I floated, my bottom on the side of the innertube, my legs wrapped under the side. About 10 seconds into my maiden voyage across grandma Quigley's lake, uncle Steve's forecast came true and I found my whole self in the dark waters. I remember the feeling of sinking and darkness, until uncle Steve's strong hand reached out, grabbed me, and pulled his scared, soaked, shaking, undeserving BRAT niece to the sandy shore.
| Uncle Steve, Hero! My uncle, a Vietnam veteran, was a rough guy, but he was soft with us. My brother and I would sing silly songs to him and he would laugh and laugh. He moved away when I was 10, and we became pen pals. We picked him up once when he was hitchhiking. He temporarily moved back when I was a young mom with two little girls and they loved him, too. One evening, he and grandma Quigley babysat the girls for an hour or two. When I came to pick them up, there was little 5 year old Kayla, standing out on the sidewalk with him while he smoked his cigarette. He died later that same year, homeless by choice on the streets of Helena, Montana. I did not need to almost drown. I had received instruction from a trustworthy source, one who had swum in this lake his entire life. He taught me the right way to face the dangers--real or imagined--because he loved me and wanted me to experience the water in all it's glory. Uncle Steve fought demons --real and imagined--his whole life, but on this day he was my hero. My rescuer. On this day, when I was at my most stubborn, the man who once told me he would never follow Jesus, became the truest picture of Jesus to me. The Bible is full of instruction. People might believe that it's an ancient book on how to get to heaven, and that is true. But it is also a book of how to live NOW. It is written by our Creator, the One who knows how our best life should be lived, one for our good and His glory. We are stubborn, fearful, anxious, know-it-alls who get it so wrong. God loved us before we even knew Him, and He knew we were all things rebellious and arrogant. He knew we would demand to do it our own flawed way. And He knew our way would send us to the muddy, murky, biting, darkness of sin and death. "What a wretched (wo)man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24) So He rescued us. His Son, Jesus, Rescuer, Hero. "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!!" My uncle Steve only needed to save me that one time. I learned my lesson--sitting on the innertube is a terrible idea. But in real life, there is more than one lesson to learn. And little, fearful, anxious, stubborn Alicia Dawn Wilks grew up to be bigger, fearful, anxious, stubborn Alicia Dawn Millikin. I still want to do things in my own flawed way. So I open His Word and I find the best way from the One who loves me and wants me to experience life in all it's God-Given and God-Giving glory. Jesus saved me once, and He saves me every day, and--someday--He will save me forever and for always. Rescued. Grateful. "He has rescued us from such a terrible death, and He will rescue us. We have put our hope in HIm that He will rescue us again." 2 Corinthians 1:10 |
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